Sister Wives

My husband and I were on the couch last night watching Sister Wives, the TLC show about the Polygamist family living in Utah.

I started to wonder, “What are my thoughts on the Brown’s life and modern day Polygamy”?

I believe it is brilliant, absolutely brilliant!

The good: Each woman gets a ‘sister wife’ to help her do the chore she hates most. Crazy-eyed Christine stays home and takes care of the kids (because it is what she always dreamed of doing...), Janelle works outside the home (because one woman’s dream is another woman’s nightmare), and Meri does a little of both (we don’t know why but if you saw her you would understand). What woman would not like this type of set-up?

The good: Kody obviously likes to have sex, as evident by the 13 kids running around the compound. The current wives must have had a team meeting one day and said “We are all exhausted! We simply don’t want to have sex anymore with our long-haired husband or squeeze out anymore of his kids.” (I feel you sister…or sisters) Because of their polygamist set-up, the solution was easy. They went and found him a hot little number (Robyn wife #4) who was younger, had more energy, fewer kids, and a true attraction to King Kody.

Thursday Night:

Kody: (knocks on door of first wife Meri) Hey Meri, good to see you. You know tonight is our night. I will be back in five minutes, be ready.

Meri: Oh Kody, I would love to but my head is killing me. Don’t worry though, I saw the way Robyn was looking at you today, why don’t you go visit her instead?

Kody: (getting very excited because Robyn is much hotter than Meri) Meri, are you sure? I don’t want to mess up the schedule.

Meri: My love, you know we can always do it next Thursday. Now go down the hall and have yourself some good old fashion fun.

Once he leaves, Meri runs to the inter-house polygamist intercom and calls the other two wives. She tells them she got out of her weekly wifely duties and makes a plan for them to meet in the communal living room and watch re-run’s of Grey’s Anatomy while giving each other mani-pedis.

The Good: Think about how much your husband drives you crazy. Think about what an idiot he is sometimes. Now imagine you have a team, you and your sister wives, who are constantly plotting and planning ways to improve him. When your husband says something like, “I always help around the house!” You smile and press your inter-house polygamist call button. Suddenly, all the doors to the separate apartments in your big polygamist style home open up and out walk the 4 other wives who say in unison “BULLSHIT.”

The Bad News: This set up is SO ONE-Sided! The women are stuck with Kody and it is considered VULGAR for them to even think about another man. Not. Fair. At. All.

Let’s just say one of them got a little bored with their husband, realized he wasn’t that good around the house, and would probably never be able to fulfill some of their deep rooted fantasies. Is it fair that they have to die alone with him while he takes a new wife every few years to keep the excitement up?

Is it wrong if one day they looked outside and saw a beautiful, young Venezuelan handy man, building a cabinet with his bare hands, shirt off, red bandana holding back his long, dark Venezuelan hair and thought, “Maybe he should join our family, maybe he should rotate through my bed once a month.” Shouldn’t they get a chance to follow my dream? (Did I say ‘my’ dream? I mean ‘their’ dream…that is so weird. I don’t know where that came from, the handyman we had was from Brazil not Venezuela….completely different.)

Here is the problem, although there are many men who want multiple wives, I can’t think of one woman who wants another husband. Most of us are so close to killing the one we have, the thought of anymore would bring us to our knees. I don’t need any more husbands messing up my house, peeing on the bathroom floor, or drinking milk out of the carton.

Although the fundamentalist Mormons seem to have cornered the market on the multiple wives things, I realize that many Christians, Jews, and professional athletes live similar lives to Kody. They too are married but have mulitple women and kids on the side….their wives just don’t know about it. So in this aspect, Kody has a point. The women he married knew what they were getting into…Elizabeth Edwards and Elin Woods, not so much.

Lets give Kody some credit here. If you are going to sleep with multiple women, have kids with people other than your wife, then at least be man enough to admit it and take care of them. Cheers to the Polygamist Mormon’s…what a concept!