1. A vacation with two kids for 14 days is very similar to being home for 14 days…the only difference is that you cook, clean, and break up fights in a different house…and the kids eat way more junk food…and sleep a lot less…Awesome.
2. In Florida you can drive your car onto the beach. It is so wrong…and so right…in so many ways.
3. In the south, mothers and daughters still wear matching outfits. As a matter of fact during Easter, it is encouraged. My only concern is that if you are 35 and your daughter is 3, there is a good chance you don’t look good in the same thing.
4. Watching my kids run into their dad’s arms at the airport almost made up for the fact that when we arrived home there was no milk or food in our refrigerator.
5. In the South “He has risen” means something about Jesus Christ, in LA it means something about Ryan Seacrest.
6. Going out to a bar and spending the night dancing with your girlfriends from high school makes you smile. Realizing you are now the older women in the bar who you used to feel sorry for makes you cry.
7. I will never understand why people make their little boys wear gingham jumpers with monograms or sailboats on them.
8. Going on vacation without your husband is never a good idea. When we got home he kept saying, “Are they always this loud?”
9. When I got home from our trip, I opened up the dishwasher and found the entire thing empty, except for two wine glasses and four small shot glasses. Suspicious to say the least…
10. When your husband says he cleaned the house while you were gone, make sure you understand exactly what that means: (please refer to below conversation)
Husband: “Honey, you will be so happy. I cleaned the whole house!”
Me: “Thank you so much! That means a lot to me. Did you by chance change our sheets?”
Husband: “No…that is the one thing I didn’t do. Sorry”
Me: “No worries, I was just asking. Thanks for cleaning up. Did you get a chance to mop the kitchen? It was so dirty when we left.”
Husband: “Oh gosh, I forgot to mop.”
Me: “Did you vacuum?”
Husband: “Didn’t have a chance to do that either.”
Me: “Any chance you dusted or swept?”
Me: “Babe, what did you do?
Husband: “I cleaned the bathroom…and let me tell you, that was a nightmare! It took me almost two hours. It was so dirty. I don’t know how you do that every month.”
Me: “I do it every four days.”
Husband: “Wow, that doesn’t sound like fun. Have a great trip!”